Relationships, whether they be romantic with an intimate partner or platonic with a parent, a sibling, or a friend, can be complicated. Conflict will inevitably arise within these relationships and it is to important to learn how to manage these conflicts. Relationship counselling can help to create a harmonious relationship with you and your partner, through unpacking how you negotiate conflict based on your childhood and environment growing up.
Knowing your attachment style
Attachment theory was developed by psychologist, Mary Ainsworth to explain how we as adults relate to others in intimate relationships. Knowing your attachment style can help you understand why you react in certain ways and help you manage conflict. There are four types of attachment styles:
Secure attachment:
A person with secure attachment is able to have a close partnership that is meaningful and intimate with little insecurity in the relationship.
Avoidant-attachment:
A person with avoidant-attachment tends to ‘run away’ when they feel insecure in a relationship. Commonly they will become closed off to protect themselves.
Anxious attachment:
A person with anxious-attachment tends to reach for control when they feel insecure in a relationship. They may get jealous or become overbearing in fear of being abandoned in the relationship.
Disorganised attachment:
A person with disorganised attachment has a mixture of both avoidant and anxious responses due to varying environmental influences.
Using the Four Horsemen to manage conflict in your relationship
The Four Horsemen is a strategy to identify different communication styles and provide advice on how to have more productive communication with your partner. You can use the diagram below developed by the Gottam Institute that details the four horsemen and how to tackle them.
If you want advice navigating your relationship, Big Sky Psychology has psychologists that specialise in relationship counselling.
Heather Parbs
Heather is a clinical psychologist at Big Sky Psychology. She has experience in relationship counselling. She works with clients across the Northern Territory including in Darwin, Humpty Doo, Berry Springs, Palmerston, Alice Springs, Tennant Creek, Katherine and Arnhem land.
Jennifer Green
Jen is a clinical psychologist at Big Sky Psychology. She provides therapy to people wanting to manage interpersonal issues and relationship issues. She has worked in the social and emotional wellbeing team at Central Australian Aboriginal Congress, Headspace Alice Springs and Relationships Australia.
